“This week the Equestria Inquirer brings you the main event! See these fearsome fighters battle it out solely to satisfy your craving for gratuitous violence. We have Ponyville vs a train, LttMoose vs facial hair and Sweetie Belle vs the law. But those are just overpriced appetizers compared to our main course: the title match between Luna and Celestia, going head to head in Equestria’s very first princess debate! Questions will be dodged, barbs will be thrown, and squirrels will be drawn. Plus, Ivan moderates, so you know it will be intense, exciting and probably very confusing.
And while you’re watching the carnage, be sure to buy a t-shirt. No, really, we have EQI t-shirts now! Check out http://www.welovefine.com/3425-equestria-inquirer.html. Snag one of those bad boys and then you can pretend to be a fake reporter, too! Just like us!
……Wait, we pretend to be fake? How does that work?”